Sunday, September 22, 2013

33 Acres Brewing Company

I am going to do something I have never done before: review an establishment through the recollection of a conversation I had with the staff.

Setting - A sparse white rectangular room with uncomfortable white stools, white-washed walls, and white Macs on the counter being used as registers.

Characters - Alex (myself), Friend (Ramon), Staff (clubmaster bespectacled hipster)

Enter Alex and Friend, thirsty for beer:

Alex: "Huh. No menu or any signage describing our options. Strange."

Friend: "Oh, there's a small white menu near the till. And by till, I mean iPad."

Alex: "Sweet. Man...that writing is small. It's like this place doesn't want us to drink beer. Like you need a password or an ironic tattoo to get the lager flowing. Well there are five taps, let's just ask."

Friend: "Excuse me, what are your five taps?"

Staff: "Ummm, we only have two beers. We just have five taps."

Friend: "Huh. Okay. So the menu here says you have an Amber and an Amber Light? I can barely read this but I think that's what it says."

Staff: " Ummm, no. You are looking at the coluor description.They are both amber. You can't order by colour. One is a West Coast amber lager and one is a hoppy amber pale."

Alex: "So the lager is your light option?"

Staff: "No. Like I said, the lager is made in the West Coast style so it's also hoppy."

Friend: "So they have a hoppy beer and a hoppier beer. Do you want three of the lager and two of the amber?"

Alex: "I...guess? Do you have any other beverages because a member of our group doesn't drink beer."

Staff: "No, only beer.  Would you guys like 1.5 ounce glasses or 10 ounce glasses?"

Alex: "1.5 ounces? That's kind of odd. Umm, all 10 ounce glasses please."

Staff: "Okay. You can just stand at the end of the bar and we'll get working on pouring those."

Friend: "Weirdest. Setup. Ever."

Part Portlandia skit and part exercise in terrible customer service, I believe this dialogue alone indicates that we will not be back to this pretentious bland bunker hidden away in Vancouver's small manufacturing district. The space was put to better use when it was a glove factory, even though the beer is - unfortunately - pretty good. 

Keywords: "Vancouver breweries", "Vancouver craft beer", "Brassneck Brewing"

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